I once read somewhere that if you have nothing to write about – don’t. Well that couldn’t have rung truer this past month, as I was unable to find anything worthy of sharing. I’ve been stuck in a rut and only now am finally finding the motivation to dig myself out of it.
This season in Spain has been the most trying of my 4 years abroad. It has challenged me in numerous ways and in all honesty, has been quite miserable. A big reason as to why I play overseas is to travel to new worlds and experience living in foreign lands, all while teaching myself how to adapt, assimilate and thrive within them. When I found out I’d be calling Spain home this season - I was ecstatic. I had heard such wonderful things about the country and league, that I couldn’t wait to leave Vancouver and begin my new adventure.
Unfortunately, the country has failed to live up to my expectations for a variety of reasons. Though I’m happy to be playing in one of the top leagues in the world, I’ve found that this alone cannot provide me with the happiness I desire. Basketball used to be my world - I believed that all I needed was a ball and hoop to be happy. Obvious I was quite naïve, as I find now that this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Though I love the sport with all my heart, there are much more important things in life. When 2011 rolled around I had an epiphany - the reason basketball made me happy was because it surrounded me with great opportunities, relationships and people. These were the other things that contributed to my happiness. Unfortunately, many of these variables do not surround me this year, therefore putting my romantic relationship with basketball on the rocks.
As regular readers know, I have a soft spot for my family and friends. They are the 2 things I value most in the world. In my previous 3 seasons, I was fortunate enough to have made fantastic friends hailing from numerous European countries. This year, I don’t have that luxury. This area of Spain has created a sort of isolation. I won’t get into the specifics of my situation in Galicia, but needless to say I’m very unhappy. So much so, that I don’t like the person I am right now. I’ve always been a motivated, driven individual who loves getting the most out of each and every day. I like to set goals, conquer challenges and explore new surroundings. I’m someone who cherishes every minute and hate seeing time pass quickly. However, Spain has changed me…and not in a good way. I've lost all motivation to do the things that define me. As of right now, the ‘real’ me is missing. If I could use one word to currently describe how I feel, it would be…bleh - and that’s very upsetting. As I type this blog post out, I realize I’m ashamed of how uninspiring and ‘boring’ I’ve become these past couple months. I hate who I am right now and want nothing more than time to fly, so I can go home and get out of this horrible funk.
Which brings me back to motivation. A powerful verb. When lacking it what kind of person do you become? Do you like that person? If the answer is no then it's time to find your inner motivation (whatever it may be) and use it to get out of your funk. Find something that motivates you to become the person you want to be. Don’t let outside factors hold you back, no matter how hard they try to bring you down. Everyone has their own personal burdens and challenges that stand in the way, but it's up to you to escape them strive to become who you want to be!
Writing this post is the first step in motivating myself to find and revive the 'real' Bre Dub. I’m going to fight my way through this slump, no matter who or what tries to take me down! It’s time to make a change and rediscover my happiness - bring it on!
Sidenote: This was not meant to be a self-pitying post, rather an update that paints a picture of my current emotions and experience in Spain. Obviously, it’s not the most glowing report, but an honest depiction that I hope can be understood! The life of a professional athlete is not as glamourous as it seems sometimes. :)